1
00:00:14,381 --> 00:00:16,482
Now I remember a lot of stories
2
00:00:16,484 --> 00:00:18,684
From back in the days
before I met your mother.
3
00:00:18,686 --> 00:00:21,387
But there's one story
I don't remember.
4
00:00:21,389 --> 00:00:24,790
Uncle marshall still refers to
it as "the pineapple incident."
5
00:00:24,792 --> 00:00:26,258
The night started
like any other.
6
00:00:26,260 --> 00:00:27,993
We were downstairs at the bar.
7
00:00:27,995 --> 00:00:29,795
On the house.
8
00:00:29,797 --> 00:00:31,530
Wow!
Oh!
9
00:00:31,532 --> 00:00:32,564
It's my own concoction.
10
00:00:32,566 --> 00:00:34,033
I call it the red dragon.
11
00:00:34,035 --> 00:00:35,200
Thanks, carl.
Wow!
12
00:00:35,202 --> 00:00:36,602
That was really sweet.
We're not really
13
00:00:36,604 --> 00:00:38,537
Doing shots, are we?
I hope not.
14
00:00:38,539 --> 00:00:39,705
No, no, no.
15
00:00:39,707 --> 00:00:41,840
Ugh! These look
kind of like blood.
16
00:00:43,376 --> 00:00:46,045
Okay, I know that you've all
dismissed this theory before.
17
00:00:46,047 --> 00:00:48,781
But is there any chance
that carl is a vampire?
18
00:00:48,783 --> 00:00:50,416
That's ridiculous.
19
00:00:50,418 --> 00:00:51,917
No, you guys, I'm serious.
20
00:00:51,919 --> 00:00:52,785
Think about it.
21
00:00:52,787 --> 00:00:53,886
He always wears black.
22
00:00:53,888 --> 00:00:56,221
We never see him in
the daylight, only after dark.
23
00:00:56,223 --> 00:00:57,423
Oh, my god.
24
00:00:57,425 --> 00:00:59,391
That does describe a vampire...
25
00:00:59,393 --> 00:01:01,927
Or, you know, a bartender.
26
00:01:03,697 --> 00:01:04,830
I should go get dressed.
27
00:01:04,832 --> 00:01:06,231
Where you going, buddy?
Hot date?
28
00:01:06,233 --> 00:01:07,399
I'll say.
29
00:01:07,401 --> 00:01:09,101
She's going out
with a billionaire.
30
00:01:09,103 --> 00:01:10,803
Lily, I told you
not to call him that.
31
00:01:10,805 --> 00:01:12,571
Wait, you're really going out
with a billionaire?
32
00:01:12,573 --> 00:01:14,540
He's not a billionaire.
He's a hundred-millionaire.
33
00:01:14,542 --> 00:01:16,575
Why do people always round up?
34
00:01:16,577 --> 00:01:19,578
So, uh, where's
thurston howell taking you?
35
00:01:19,580 --> 00:01:20,412
A charity dinner.
36
00:01:20,414 --> 00:01:22,581
Yeah, $2,000 a plate.
37
00:01:22,583 --> 00:01:24,483
$1,500. Stop rounding up.
38
00:01:25,318 --> 00:01:26,452
And it's for third world hunger.
39
00:01:26,454 --> 00:01:27,786
You gonna put out?
40
00:01:28,588 --> 00:01:29,822
What?
41
00:01:29,824 --> 00:01:32,091
There's only one reason he's
taking her to this dinner,
42
00:01:32,093 --> 00:01:34,593
And it's not so little mutu
can get his malaria pills.
43
00:01:35,728 --> 00:01:38,597
I think my soul just
threw up a little bit.
44
00:01:38,599 --> 00:01:40,332
Well, I'm gonna be late.
45
00:01:40,334 --> 00:01:41,600
You guys have fun.
46
00:01:41,602 --> 00:01:42,734
Bye.
See ya.
47
00:01:42,736 --> 00:01:44,369
Bye.
See ya.
48
00:01:44,371 --> 00:01:45,471
You okay?
49
00:01:45,473 --> 00:01:46,672
Sure. Why?
50
00:01:46,674 --> 00:01:48,173
Oh, I don't know.
51
00:01:48,175 --> 00:01:50,476
Girl of your dreams
dating a billionaire.
52
00:01:50,478 --> 00:01:53,245
Okay, first of all,
hundred-millionaire.
53
00:01:54,447 --> 00:01:56,582
And second, she's not
the girl of my dreams.
54
00:01:56,584 --> 00:01:57,950
We're just friends.
55
00:01:57,952 --> 00:02:00,052
Look, it would not be smart
if we got together.
56
00:02:00,054 --> 00:02:02,454
I mean, I'm looking to settle
down, she's looking for...
57
00:02:04,291 --> 00:02:06,258
Wha...? You done? Great.
58
00:02:07,060 --> 00:02:09,595
Check out table number four.
59
00:02:09,597 --> 00:02:12,498
See that little
hottie on the end?
60
00:02:12,500 --> 00:02:14,600
She's short
but has an ample bosom.
61
00:02:14,602 --> 00:02:15,701
I love it.
62
00:02:15,703 --> 00:02:17,603
She's, like, half boob.
63
00:02:17,605 --> 00:02:18,203
Let's go.
64
00:02:18,205 --> 00:02:19,138
Yeah, and say what?
65
00:02:19,140 --> 00:02:20,772
What's our big opening line?
66
00:02:20,774 --> 00:02:22,908
I... Uh...
67
00:02:22,910 --> 00:02:24,576
Daddy's home.
68
00:02:24,578 --> 00:02:27,112
Daddy's home?
Yeah.
69
00:02:27,114 --> 00:02:29,982
Okay, you want us to go
over there right now
70
00:02:29,984 --> 00:02:32,518
And say to those girls,
"daddy's home"?
71
00:02:32,520 --> 00:02:34,386
Really think about that, barney.
72
00:02:34,388 --> 00:02:36,388
Hmm.
73
00:02:36,390 --> 00:02:37,756
Yeah, I think it's pretty solid.
74
00:02:39,593 --> 00:02:44,496
Is there even a single item on
the menu that has garlic in it?
75
00:02:44,498 --> 00:02:46,365
Garlic fries.
76
00:02:46,367 --> 00:02:49,334
Okay, well, I'll get
back to you.
77
00:02:49,336 --> 00:02:51,637
Oh, daddy's back.
78
00:02:51,639 --> 00:02:54,039
See, if you'd taken a moment
to think about that...
79
00:02:54,041 --> 00:02:55,374
Then daddy wouldn't have gotten
80
00:02:55,376 --> 00:02:58,510
This seven-digit
father's day card from amy.
81
00:02:58,512 --> 00:02:59,511
Ah.
82
00:02:59,513 --> 00:03:01,413
That worked?
83
00:03:01,415 --> 00:03:02,614
I hate the world.
84
00:03:02,616 --> 00:03:05,184
Ted, your problem is all you do
is think, think, think.
85
00:03:05,186 --> 00:03:07,352
I'm teaching you
how to do, do, do.
86
00:03:07,354 --> 00:03:08,120
Doo-doo.
87
00:03:08,122 --> 00:03:09,221
Totally.
88
00:03:09,223 --> 00:03:10,956
So I think a lot.
89
00:03:10,958 --> 00:03:13,158
I happen to have
a very powerful brain.
90
00:03:13,160 --> 00:03:14,126
It can't be helped.
91
00:03:14,128 --> 00:03:15,761
Oh, yes, it can.
92
00:03:16,729 --> 00:03:18,263
Interesting.
Oh.
93
00:03:18,265 --> 00:03:20,532
Ted, I believe you and I
met for a reason.
94
00:03:20,534 --> 00:03:22,701
It's like the universe
was saying, "hey, barney,
95
00:03:22,703 --> 00:03:24,203
"there's this dude--
he's pretty cool--
96
00:03:24,205 --> 00:03:26,238
But it's your job
to make him awesome."
97
00:03:27,040 --> 00:03:28,473
Your brain screws you up, ted.
98
00:03:28,475 --> 00:03:31,476
It happened with robin,
it happened with half boob,
99
00:03:31,478 --> 00:03:32,444
And it's gonna
100
00:03:32,446 --> 00:03:34,713
Keep on happening
until you power down
101
00:03:34,715 --> 00:03:38,383
That bucket of neuroses
inebriation-style.
102
00:03:38,385 --> 00:03:40,586
So, what, you want me
to do a shot?
103
00:03:40,588 --> 00:03:41,453
Oh, no.
104
00:03:41,455 --> 00:03:42,888
I want you to do
105
00:03:42,890 --> 00:03:44,756
Five shots.
Ooh. Ooh.
106
00:03:44,758 --> 00:03:46,491
More interesting.
107
00:03:46,493 --> 00:03:48,860
Barney, I think
you've officially...
108
00:03:48,862 --> 00:03:51,263
No, don't think. Do.
109
00:03:52,232 --> 00:03:54,166
Ted, he's right: You overthink.
110
00:03:54,168 --> 00:03:55,767
Maybe you should overdrink.
111
00:03:55,769 --> 00:03:56,868
Drink, drink...
112
00:03:56,870 --> 00:03:59,271
Drink, drink, drink...
Drink, drink, drink...
113
00:03:59,273 --> 00:04:01,506
Uh, lily, will you tell these
guys how stupid they're being?
114
00:04:01,508 --> 00:04:05,510
Guys, you are being immature
and moronic, and drink, drink...
115
00:04:05,512 --> 00:04:06,745
Oh!
116
00:04:06,747 --> 00:04:08,447
Drink, drink, drink...
117
00:04:08,449 --> 00:04:10,282
Drink, drink, drink...
118
00:04:11,685 --> 00:04:12,951
Drink, drink...
119
00:04:12,953 --> 00:04:16,521
Let me tell you something
about this brain, okay?
120
00:04:16,523 --> 00:04:17,456
Drink!
121
00:04:17,458 --> 00:04:20,525
Pure alcohol cannot
stop this brain.
122
00:04:20,527 --> 00:04:21,426
Drink, drink...
123
00:04:21,428 --> 00:04:23,495
I love it! I love
it! I love it!
124
00:04:23,497 --> 00:04:27,399
This brain, dear mortals,
is no ordinary brain.
125
00:04:27,401 --> 00:04:28,200
Drink, drink...
126
00:04:28,202 --> 00:04:31,637
This is a super brain.
127
00:04:32,439 --> 00:04:34,339
This brain is unstoppable.
128
00:04:34,341 --> 00:04:35,240
This brain...
129
00:04:35,242 --> 00:04:37,509
And that's all I remember.
130
00:04:37,511 --> 00:04:40,212
Except for a few other
hazy memories.
131
00:04:51,291 --> 00:04:52,958
But really, the next thing
I remember
132
00:04:52,960 --> 00:04:54,793
Was waking up
the following morning.
133
00:05:15,281 --> 00:05:17,449
So there were some
unanswered questions.
134
00:05:17,451 --> 00:05:19,651
How much did I drink?
135
00:05:19,653 --> 00:05:21,987
How did I sprain my ankle?
136
00:05:25,159 --> 00:05:27,092
And who was this girl in my bed?
137
00:05:28,394 --> 00:05:29,761
There's our rock star.
138
00:05:29,763 --> 00:05:31,663
Okay, um...
139
00:05:31,665 --> 00:05:33,098
What the hell happened
last night?
140
00:05:33,100 --> 00:05:36,034
You really don't remember,
superbrain?
141
00:05:36,036 --> 00:05:39,104
So uncle marshall
and aunt lilly filled me in.
142
00:05:39,106 --> 00:05:41,039
And how did you guys
like the shots?
143
00:05:41,041 --> 00:05:43,241
I drank all five, bitch.
144
00:05:45,212 --> 00:05:46,211
I love drunk ted.
145
00:05:46,213 --> 00:05:48,347
Marshall thinks
you're a vampire.
146
00:05:51,551 --> 00:05:54,386
All right, if he pukes,
one of you guys cleans it up.
147
00:05:55,288 --> 00:05:56,488
No dibs.
Oh.
148
00:05:56,490 --> 00:05:58,190
No d... Damn it!
149
00:05:58,192 --> 00:05:59,124
Yes.
150
00:05:59,126 --> 00:06:00,425
How quickly you all forget.
151
00:06:00,427 --> 00:06:02,060
I haven't puked
since high school.
152
00:06:02,062 --> 00:06:04,896
I am vomit-free since '93.
153
00:06:04,898 --> 00:06:07,099
Vomit-free since '93.
154
00:06:07,101 --> 00:06:07,999
That's funny.
155
00:06:08,001 --> 00:06:09,201
I'm funny!
156
00:06:09,203 --> 00:06:10,335
Who are you calling?
157
00:06:10,337 --> 00:06:11,303
Robin.
158
00:06:11,305 --> 00:06:12,738
Oh, bad idea jeans.
159
00:06:12,740 --> 00:06:13,905
No, no, it's a great idea.
160
00:06:13,907 --> 00:06:15,240
That's the whole point
of getting drunk.
161
00:06:15,242 --> 00:06:16,375
You do things you'd never do
162
00:06:16,377 --> 00:06:17,943
In a million years
if you were sober.
163
00:06:17,945 --> 00:06:21,146
Says every girl you've
ever slept with.
164
00:06:21,148 --> 00:06:22,381
Say what?
165
00:06:23,649 --> 00:06:25,550
Hello, robin. It's ted.
166
00:06:25,552 --> 00:06:26,385
Oh, hi, ted.
167
00:06:26,387 --> 00:06:28,453
Hello, robin. It's ted.
168
00:06:28,455 --> 00:06:30,155
Hi, ted.
169
00:06:30,157 --> 00:06:31,823
Sounds like you're having fun.
170
00:06:31,825 --> 00:06:36,661
Robin, have I ever told you
that I am vomit-free since '93?
171
00:06:36,663 --> 00:06:37,896
Listen, ted,
172
00:06:37,898 --> 00:06:41,233
I can't really talk right...
'93?
173
00:06:41,235 --> 00:06:42,834
Dude, that's impressive.
174
00:06:42,836 --> 00:06:46,138
Oh... I don't say this enough,
but you're a great woman,
175
00:06:46,140 --> 00:06:47,272
And a great reporter.
176
00:06:47,274 --> 00:06:48,840
You should be on 60 minutes.
177
00:06:48,842 --> 00:06:51,176
You should be
one of the minutes.
178
00:06:51,178 --> 00:06:53,912
That's sweet... And odd.
179
00:06:53,914 --> 00:06:55,881
But I'm kind of
on a date right now.
180
00:06:55,883 --> 00:06:57,482
Yeah, and I disagree
with barney.
181
00:06:57,484 --> 00:06:59,151
Just 'cause this guy's
spending a lot of money
182
00:06:59,153 --> 00:07:01,153
Doesn't mean
you have to put out.
183
00:07:01,155 --> 00:07:03,789
Take it slow, robin.
184
00:07:03,791 --> 00:07:05,090
Take it slow.
185
00:07:05,092 --> 00:07:07,359
Slow...
186
00:07:07,361 --> 00:07:08,193
Bye, ted.
187
00:07:08,195 --> 00:07:10,429
Slow...
188
00:07:10,431 --> 00:07:11,430
Wow, right.
189
00:07:11,432 --> 00:07:13,432
That's why we don't do shots.
190
00:07:13,434 --> 00:07:15,934
Friends don't let
friends drink and dial.
191
00:07:15,936 --> 00:07:17,102
I need that phone back.
192
00:07:17,104 --> 00:07:19,104
You'll get this back
at the end of class.
193
00:07:19,106 --> 00:07:20,639
Ding. Class dismissed.
194
00:07:20,641 --> 00:07:21,506
Here you go, kid.
195
00:07:21,508 --> 00:07:22,974
You call whoever you want.
196
00:07:23,676 --> 00:07:24,676
Thank you, kind sir.
197
00:07:24,678 --> 00:07:26,378
At least someone
appreciates the fact
198
00:07:26,380 --> 00:07:28,346
That I am doing
and not thinking.
199
00:07:29,682 --> 00:07:32,384
And now, I don't think
I won't not go to the bathroom.
200
00:07:34,320 --> 00:07:35,620
Was that necessary?
201
00:07:35,622 --> 00:07:37,789
He is not making
smart decisions.
202
00:07:37,791 --> 00:07:39,491
Exactly. It's like,
what's he gonna do next?
203
00:07:39,493 --> 00:07:42,127
I don't know,
but I want to find out.
204
00:07:46,433 --> 00:07:48,233
Cheap trick?
205
00:07:48,235 --> 00:07:50,202
Oh, ted.
206
00:07:52,339 --> 00:07:53,738
Hello again, ted.
207
00:07:53,740 --> 00:07:57,476
♪ hey, it's me again
208
00:07:58,978 --> 00:08:02,614
♪ plain to see again
209
00:08:03,616 --> 00:08:09,221
♪ please, can I
see you every day ♪
210
00:08:09,223 --> 00:08:11,223
I love everyone in this bar!
211
00:08:12,226 --> 00:08:13,525
And we love you, drunk ted!
212
00:08:14,260 --> 00:08:17,395
♪ I'm a fool again
213
00:08:18,631 --> 00:08:21,366
♪ I fell in lo...
214
00:08:21,368 --> 00:08:22,234
Ow.
215
00:08:22,236 --> 00:08:24,169
Ted?
216
00:08:24,171 --> 00:08:26,037
Well, that explains the ankle.
217
00:08:26,039 --> 00:08:28,240
Then we brought you home
and put you to bed.
218
00:08:28,242 --> 00:08:31,309
Was there anyone else
in there with me?
219
00:08:34,947 --> 00:08:36,615
Shh.
220
00:08:42,355 --> 00:08:43,722
There's a girl in there!
221
00:08:43,724 --> 00:08:44,389
I know.
222
00:08:44,391 --> 00:08:45,857
And a pineapple.
223
00:08:45,859 --> 00:08:46,791
I know.
224
00:08:46,793 --> 00:08:47,759
Who is she?
225
00:08:47,761 --> 00:08:49,261
I don't know.
226
00:08:51,264 --> 00:08:53,031
What the hell happened
to my jacket?
227
00:08:53,033 --> 00:08:54,332
Whoa.
228
00:08:55,301 --> 00:08:58,236
That girl in there
is alive, right?
229
00:08:59,105 --> 00:09:00,272
I should call barney.
230
00:09:00,274 --> 00:09:01,673
Maybe he knows what happened.
231
00:09:20,259 --> 00:09:21,393
Hello.
232
00:09:21,395 --> 00:09:23,395
Why are you sleeping in our tub?
233
00:09:23,397 --> 00:09:26,731
Uh, the porcelain keeps
the suit from wrinkling.
234
00:09:26,733 --> 00:09:29,501
Wait, were you here when
I went to the bathroom
235
00:09:29,503 --> 00:09:30,802
In the middle of the night?
236
00:09:30,804 --> 00:09:33,271
Don't worry. I slept through it.
237
00:09:34,341 --> 00:09:35,674
I totally didn't
sleep through it.
238
00:09:37,510 --> 00:09:40,145
Oh, and wow, for a little girl,
you got a big tank.
239
00:09:40,147 --> 00:09:42,314
How did you get
in here anyway?
240
00:09:42,316 --> 00:09:44,049
We put ted to bed around 1:00.
241
00:09:44,051 --> 00:09:46,585
Oh, you put ted
to bed, all right.
242
00:09:46,587 --> 00:09:48,954
You guys take care of me.
243
00:09:48,956 --> 00:09:50,355
You guys are the best.
244
00:09:50,357 --> 00:09:53,091
I love you guys so much.
245
00:09:53,093 --> 00:09:54,759
Good night, ted.
246
00:09:54,761 --> 00:09:56,428
Love you, too, buddy.
247
00:09:58,464 --> 00:10:00,165
I'm back, baby doll!
248
00:10:00,167 --> 00:10:01,866
Hey!
249
00:10:01,868 --> 00:10:03,335
Hey! Hey! Hey!
250
00:10:03,337 --> 00:10:04,469
He rallies!
251
00:10:04,471 --> 00:10:06,605
And the night begins now!
252
00:10:06,607 --> 00:10:07,806
All right.
253
00:10:07,808 --> 00:10:08,607
Game face on.
254
00:10:08,609 --> 00:10:09,641
Carl, two more.
255
00:10:09,643 --> 00:10:11,476
All right, what do we
think of this one?
256
00:10:11,478 --> 00:10:13,244
I think she...
257
00:10:14,114 --> 00:10:15,614
Trick question. No thinking.
258
00:10:16,449 --> 00:10:17,983
You know what time it is?
Huh?
259
00:10:17,985 --> 00:10:19,284
It's do o'clock. Let's ride.
260
00:10:19,286 --> 00:10:21,453
Bring it!
261
00:10:21,455 --> 00:10:22,554
Hi.
262
00:10:23,389 --> 00:10:25,624
Have you met ted?
263
00:10:29,161 --> 00:10:31,129
Excuse me.
264
00:10:33,099 --> 00:10:34,566
You're calling robin.
265
00:10:34,568 --> 00:10:35,834
I'm calling robin.
266
00:10:35,836 --> 00:10:38,403
Ted, as your mentor
and spiritual guide,
267
00:10:38,405 --> 00:10:40,138
I forbid you from calling her.
268
00:10:40,140 --> 00:10:41,840
Oh, yeah?
269
00:10:41,842 --> 00:10:43,141
What you gonna do?
270
00:10:45,077 --> 00:10:49,080
If you complete that call,
I will set your coat on fire.
271
00:10:50,217 --> 00:10:51,483
You're bluffing.
272
00:10:53,586 --> 00:10:56,154
Hello, robin. It's ted.
273
00:10:56,156 --> 00:10:57,789
Ted, for the last time, stop...
274
00:10:59,192 --> 00:11:00,091
Ow!
275
00:11:00,093 --> 00:11:01,226
Ted?
276
00:11:01,228 --> 00:11:03,695
You set me on fire.
277
00:11:03,697 --> 00:11:05,730
Real suede wouldn't
have gone up so fast.
278
00:11:05,732 --> 00:11:07,499
You got robbed. This is a blend.
279
00:11:08,634 --> 00:11:10,902
You set me on fire.
280
00:11:10,904 --> 00:11:12,637
And who's the girl
281
00:11:12,639 --> 00:11:13,805
In my bed?
282
00:11:24,717 --> 00:11:26,384
There's a girl in your bed.
283
00:11:26,852 --> 00:11:28,053
And a pineapple.
284
00:11:28,055 --> 00:11:30,689
Am I the only one who's
curious about the pineapple?
285
00:11:30,691 --> 00:11:31,723
Who is she?
286
00:11:31,725 --> 00:11:33,391
I have no idea.
287
00:11:33,393 --> 00:11:34,693
Nice.
288
00:11:34,695 --> 00:11:35,560
You really don't know
289
00:11:35,562 --> 00:11:38,563
No. After I hosed you down
with the beverage gun,
290
00:11:38,565 --> 00:11:39,698
I brought you back here.
291
00:11:39,700 --> 00:11:42,400
I'd better not
have gotten burned.
292
00:11:42,402 --> 00:11:45,470
Ah...
293
00:11:45,472 --> 00:11:46,738
Did any of you write that?
294
00:11:46,740 --> 00:11:48,940
"hi. I'm ted.
295
00:11:48,942 --> 00:11:50,742
If lost, please call..."
296
00:11:50,744 --> 00:11:52,744
Whose number is that?
297
00:11:52,746 --> 00:11:55,180
I don't know.
298
00:11:55,182 --> 00:11:57,248
Dude, call it.
299
00:11:57,850 --> 00:11:58,717
Ooh, hold on, I'm gonna
300
00:11:58,719 --> 00:11:59,951
Make some popcorn.
301
00:12:05,291 --> 00:12:07,192
Ooh. Okay, you can call now.
302
00:12:07,194 --> 00:12:10,061
God, this is intense.
I love it.
303
00:12:12,298 --> 00:12:13,665
Hello?
304
00:12:13,667 --> 00:12:14,899
Uh... Hi.
305
00:12:14,901 --> 00:12:16,234
Who's this?
306
00:12:16,236 --> 00:12:17,936
You called me. Who's this?
307
00:12:17,938 --> 00:12:19,938
It's ted.
308
00:12:19,940 --> 00:12:22,173
It's carl from the bar.
309
00:12:22,175 --> 00:12:24,242
And then carl filled us in.
310
00:12:24,244 --> 00:12:26,711
Barney, you've always
taken care of me.
311
00:12:26,713 --> 00:12:29,180
You are a gentlemen
and a scholar.
312
00:12:29,182 --> 00:12:30,315
Go into
313
00:12:30,317 --> 00:12:32,584
My stable
and take my finest stallion.
314
00:12:32,586 --> 00:12:34,619
He's yours.
His name is windjammer.
315
00:12:34,621 --> 00:12:37,689
Sleep it off, bro.
316
00:12:40,092 --> 00:12:42,093
I'm back, baby doll!
317
00:12:42,095 --> 00:12:44,229
Yeah.
318
00:12:44,231 --> 00:12:46,331
And I...
319
00:12:46,333 --> 00:12:47,966
Am gonna throw up.
320
00:12:49,835 --> 00:12:51,536
I threw up?
321
00:12:51,538 --> 00:12:52,971
Oh, my streak is over.
322
00:12:52,973 --> 00:12:55,774
Vomit-free since '05
doesn't sound good.
323
00:12:56,842 --> 00:12:58,476
Sorry, carl. Go on.
324
00:12:58,478 --> 00:13:00,311
Carl...
325
00:13:00,313 --> 00:13:02,447
Did you know the word
"karaoke"
326
00:13:02,449 --> 00:13:05,183
Is japanese
for "empty orchestra"?
327
00:13:05,985 --> 00:13:07,986
Isn't that hauntingly beautiful?
328
00:13:08,721 --> 00:13:10,789
Are you a vampire?
329
00:13:10,791 --> 00:13:12,290
All right, I'm
cutting you off.
330
00:13:12,292 --> 00:13:14,359
Go home and get
some sleep, ted.
331
00:13:14,361 --> 00:13:16,761
Yeah, the sun's gonna
come up soon.
332
00:13:16,763 --> 00:13:20,298
Wouldn't want to be around
for that, would we?
333
00:13:20,300 --> 00:13:23,168
Do you think it would be
to sneak into the zoo?
334
00:13:23,170 --> 00:13:25,370
I have to see some penguins,
like, right now.
335
00:13:25,372 --> 00:13:27,438
All right, give me your arm.
336
00:13:27,440 --> 00:13:29,174
Okay.
337
00:13:29,176 --> 00:13:31,743
This way, if you pass
out in the gutter...
338
00:13:31,745 --> 00:13:33,845
It tickles.
339
00:13:33,847 --> 00:13:37,582
...Someone will call me,
and I will come get you.
340
00:13:37,584 --> 00:13:39,384
Thanks, carl.
341
00:13:39,386 --> 00:13:40,819
We can't just be friends.
342
00:13:40,821 --> 00:13:42,787
We're attracted to each other,
and we both know it.
343
00:13:42,789 --> 00:13:44,455
Excuse me?
344
00:13:44,457 --> 00:13:47,258
Me and robin, me and robin.
345
00:13:47,260 --> 00:13:49,294
I have to make one more call.
346
00:13:49,296 --> 00:13:51,596
Yeah, this'll go good.
347
00:13:55,335 --> 00:13:57,836
Hey, it's me again.
348
00:13:57,838 --> 00:13:59,671
Look, who are we kidding?
349
00:13:59,673 --> 00:14:01,840
You and I are both attracted
to each other.
350
00:14:01,842 --> 00:14:04,509
We-we're young, we're drunk--
half of us anyway--
351
00:14:04,511 --> 00:14:05,977
And we only get one life.
352
00:14:05,979 --> 00:14:08,313
So, why don't you come over
to my apartment right now,
353
00:14:08,315 --> 00:14:10,682
And we'll think of something
stupid to do together?
354
00:14:10,684 --> 00:14:13,117
Really? Great.
355
00:14:13,119 --> 00:14:16,287
Wait. Really? Great.
356
00:14:16,289 --> 00:14:18,556
Thanks, carl.
357
00:14:18,558 --> 00:14:20,425
It's robin.
358
00:14:20,427 --> 00:14:24,128
That's robin
in there.
359
00:14:24,130 --> 00:14:26,264
Did you guys...?
360
00:14:31,637 --> 00:14:33,638
Oh, come on. You've
got to give me this one.
361
00:14:33,640 --> 00:14:35,506
Those five shots got
you further with robin
362
00:14:35,508 --> 00:14:36,908
Than your brain ever did.
363
00:14:36,910 --> 00:14:38,343
See what happens
when you don't think?
364
00:14:38,345 --> 00:14:39,711
You do.
365
00:14:39,713 --> 00:14:42,080
More importantly,
you do robin.
366
00:14:42,514 --> 00:14:44,482
Come on.
367
00:14:45,651 --> 00:14:47,385
All right, right over here.
368
00:14:47,387 --> 00:14:49,354
But, uh, still,
369
00:14:49,356 --> 00:14:50,388
What does this mean?
370
00:14:50,390 --> 00:14:51,890
Are we dating now?
371
00:14:51,892 --> 00:14:53,725
I-I mean, I never pictured it
going down this way,
372
00:14:53,727 --> 00:14:55,460
But maybe that's how
it had to happen.
373
00:14:55,462 --> 00:14:58,363
Someone get him a shot.
He's thinking again.
374
00:14:58,365 --> 00:14:59,631
You know what?
375
00:14:59,633 --> 00:15:00,765
Hold on, man.
376
00:15:00,767 --> 00:15:02,767
Maybe it's not such a bad idea
to think about this one.
377
00:15:02,769 --> 00:15:04,669
You and robin went down
this road before.
378
00:15:04,671 --> 00:15:07,405
You got dinged up really bad.
379
00:15:07,407 --> 00:15:08,873
You know who might
have something to say
380
00:15:08,875 --> 00:15:10,642
About ted's future with robin?
381
00:15:10,644 --> 00:15:12,944
Robin. Go wake her up.
382
00:15:12,946 --> 00:15:14,345
Wake her up and say what?
383
00:15:14,347 --> 00:15:17,615
Daddy's home.
384
00:15:20,552 --> 00:15:21,753
Good luck, buddy.
385
00:15:29,462 --> 00:15:30,929
Hello.
386
00:15:30,931 --> 00:15:32,563
Ted, it's robin.
387
00:15:37,469 --> 00:15:39,570
Are you sure?
388
00:15:46,278 --> 00:15:48,146
Hey, robin,
389
00:15:48,148 --> 00:15:50,114
How are you?
Ted, I think
390
00:15:50,116 --> 00:15:51,115
You and I should have a talk
391
00:15:51,117 --> 00:15:53,918
About those phone calls
last night.
392
00:15:53,920 --> 00:15:55,586
Do you mind if I swing by?
Ask her about
the pineapple.
393
00:15:55,588 --> 00:15:57,789
Uh, yeah, sure,
come on over.
Thanks.
394
00:15:57,791 --> 00:15:59,791
No. Wait, d-d-don't come...
395
00:15:59,793 --> 00:16:01,893
She's coming over. Crap!
396
00:16:01,895 --> 00:16:03,528
Wait. This is killing me.
397
00:16:03,530 --> 00:16:05,596
We have to find out
who that girl is.
398
00:16:05,598 --> 00:16:07,899
Trudy.
399
00:16:07,901 --> 00:16:11,369
My name is trudy.
400
00:16:14,707 --> 00:16:16,941
And then, trudy filled us in.
401
00:16:16,943 --> 00:16:19,310
I'm just surprised you
didn't dump him sooner.
402
00:16:19,312 --> 00:16:21,312
I know. It's two years
of my life
403
00:16:21,314 --> 00:16:23,348
I'm never getting back.
404
00:16:23,350 --> 00:16:25,183
A little part of me wants
to just jump the bones
405
00:16:25,185 --> 00:16:27,151
Of the next guy I see.
406
00:16:28,421 --> 00:16:30,021
Daddy's home.
407
00:16:30,023 --> 00:16:32,924
Or the one after that.
408
00:16:32,926 --> 00:16:34,158
Okay, fair enough.
409
00:16:34,160 --> 00:16:35,960
I've got to prove a point
to a friend, so...
410
00:16:35,962 --> 00:16:37,595
You just gave me your number...
411
00:16:39,131 --> 00:16:40,598
And your name is amy.
412
00:16:41,233 --> 00:16:43,534
Ladies.
413
00:16:43,536 --> 00:16:45,636
I love everyone in this bar!
414
00:16:46,706 --> 00:16:48,373
Look at that idiot go.
415
00:16:48,375 --> 00:16:50,475
He's kind of cute.
416
00:16:50,477 --> 00:16:52,643
Ooh!
417
00:16:56,582 --> 00:16:59,617
What are you doing
in the men's room?
418
00:17:00,552 --> 00:17:02,453
What am I doing
in the ladies' room?
419
00:17:02,455 --> 00:17:04,522
All right,
I came in here,
420
00:17:04,524 --> 00:17:06,057
'cause I thought
I was gonna throw up.
421
00:17:06,059 --> 00:17:07,525
Did you?
422
00:17:08,260 --> 00:17:11,963
I did not.
423
00:17:11,965 --> 00:17:14,532
And the streak continues--
vomit-free since
424
00:17:14,534 --> 00:17:17,035
'93.
425
00:17:17,669 --> 00:17:19,303
I'm sorry, trudy. Go on.
426
00:17:19,305 --> 00:17:21,039
I liked your
performance.
427
00:17:21,041 --> 00:17:22,573
What, the karaoke?
428
00:17:22,575 --> 00:17:24,876
Domo arigato.
429
00:17:24,878 --> 00:17:27,045
I wish I had your guts.
430
00:17:27,047 --> 00:17:29,614
Getting up and making a
complete idiot of myself.
431
00:17:29,616 --> 00:17:31,416
So, do it.
432
00:17:31,418 --> 00:17:32,617
I don't know.
433
00:17:32,619 --> 00:17:35,720
Still, I've had
a pretty serious week.
434
00:17:35,722 --> 00:17:38,189
I could sure stand
to do something stupid.
435
00:17:38,191 --> 00:17:40,591
I'm something stupid. Do me.
436
00:17:40,593 --> 00:17:42,593
You're funny.
437
00:17:42,595 --> 00:17:44,629
Hey, can I call you sometime?
438
00:17:44,631 --> 00:17:45,797
Okay.
439
00:17:45,799 --> 00:17:47,098
Ha, ha.
440
00:17:47,100 --> 00:17:48,633
Here, let me.
441
00:17:50,569 --> 00:17:52,637
Why do they call it karaoke,
anyhow?
442
00:17:52,639 --> 00:17:55,206
Was it invented by a woman
named carrie okey?
443
00:17:55,208 --> 00:17:58,009
These are the kinds of things
I think about.
444
00:17:58,011 --> 00:18:02,213
Karaoke is japanese
for "empty orchestra."
445
00:18:02,215 --> 00:18:03,781
Wow.
446
00:18:03,783 --> 00:18:06,584
That's hauntingly beautiful.
447
00:18:09,255 --> 00:18:10,955
Hey, it works.
448
00:18:10,957 --> 00:18:13,357
Then I guess you're
gonna have to call me.
449
00:18:15,761 --> 00:18:18,429
I got to make one more call.
450
00:18:19,365 --> 00:18:20,765
Hello?
451
00:18:20,767 --> 00:18:22,100
Hey, it's me again.
452
00:18:22,102 --> 00:18:23,568
Hey.
453
00:18:23,570 --> 00:18:24,802
Look, who are
we kidding?
454
00:18:24,804 --> 00:18:27,038
You and I are both
attracted to each other.
455
00:18:27,040 --> 00:18:28,372
We're-we're young,
we're drunk--
456
00:18:28,374 --> 00:18:30,074
Half of us, anyway--
457
00:18:30,076 --> 00:18:31,476
And we only
get one life.
458
00:18:31,478 --> 00:18:34,145
So, I came over here.
459
00:18:34,147 --> 00:18:37,315
And now I'm really,
really embarrassed.
460
00:18:38,650 --> 00:18:39,750
Damn it, trudy!
461
00:18:39,752 --> 00:18:41,152
What about
the pineapple?
462
00:18:41,154 --> 00:18:43,454
Sorry. Sorry. Sorry!
463
00:18:46,659 --> 00:18:47,658
Ah, robin's here.
464
00:18:47,660 --> 00:18:49,260
Um, look, trudy,
465
00:18:49,262 --> 00:18:50,761
I need you to hide
in my bedroom.
466
00:18:50,763 --> 00:18:52,163
Why? Is that
your girlfriend?
467
00:18:52,165 --> 00:18:53,831
Ah, no, that's not
my girlfriend.
468
00:18:53,833 --> 00:18:55,366
Um, look, it's complicated.
469
00:18:55,368 --> 00:18:57,001
Oh, you're married.
Yeah, I know.
470
00:18:57,003 --> 00:18:58,002
I can't believe
I did this.
471
00:18:58,004 --> 00:18:59,871
No, no, no,
I-I'm not married. Um...
472
00:18:59,873 --> 00:19:02,073
I'll explain
after you hide.
473
00:19:07,146 --> 00:19:08,679
Hey.
474
00:19:08,681 --> 00:19:09,614
Hi, guys.
475
00:19:09,616 --> 00:19:10,982
Hey, robin,
top of the morning.
476
00:19:10,984 --> 00:19:12,116
Hi.
Hi, robin.
Good sweater.
477
00:19:12,118 --> 00:19:15,653
Um, sorry I kept
calling you like that.
478
00:19:15,655 --> 00:19:17,588
I was pretty drunk.
479
00:19:17,590 --> 00:19:18,689
Uh, no kidding.
480
00:19:18,691 --> 00:19:20,191
Those calls were really weird.
481
00:19:21,026 --> 00:19:22,760
Look, ted, maybe
we need to talk.
482
00:19:23,695 --> 00:19:24,862
Let's go get a snack.
483
00:19:24,864 --> 00:19:26,330
I love to snack.
484
00:19:26,332 --> 00:19:27,465
I'm good.
485
00:19:30,002 --> 00:19:32,103
Hmm.
486
00:19:32,105 --> 00:19:34,672
Come on, those calls
weren't that weird.
487
00:19:40,612 --> 00:19:42,647
Robin! Come hang out!
488
00:19:42,649 --> 00:19:44,949
Okay, I'm gonna make this sound
till you come hang out.
489
00:19:44,951 --> 00:19:49,320
Aaah....
490
00:19:52,025 --> 00:19:54,392
That goes on
for three-and-a-half minutes.
491
00:19:54,394 --> 00:19:55,826
Without a breath?
492
00:19:55,828 --> 00:19:57,662
That's got to be
some kind of record.
493
00:19:57,664 --> 00:19:59,263
Oh, ted, you can't do this.
494
00:19:59,265 --> 00:20:00,531
Please.
495
00:20:00,533 --> 00:20:01,732
We agreed to be friends,
496
00:20:01,734 --> 00:20:03,467
And now you're making it
all confusing.
497
00:20:03,469 --> 00:20:04,902
No, I'm not.
498
00:20:04,904 --> 00:20:06,571
Look, I-I just turned off
my brain for the night.
499
00:20:06,573 --> 00:20:07,738
Nothing's changed.
500
00:20:07,740 --> 00:20:09,574
You've moved on.
I've moved on.
501
00:20:09,576 --> 00:20:11,709
Really? You've moved on?
502
00:20:11,711 --> 00:20:14,078
Yes. What, you
don't believe me?
503
00:20:14,080 --> 00:20:16,781
Oh. Uh, okay.
504
00:20:17,849 --> 00:20:19,884
Trudy, come on out.
505
00:20:19,886 --> 00:20:21,419
You are gonna laugh.
506
00:20:21,421 --> 00:20:23,221
Wait. You were with someone
last night?
507
00:20:23,223 --> 00:20:25,690
Yeah, trudy. She's cool.
508
00:20:25,692 --> 00:20:28,059
Trudy, come on out.
509
00:20:28,061 --> 00:20:31,495
Yeah, seriously,
it's okay.
510
00:20:31,497 --> 00:20:33,531
This is so trudy.
511
00:20:34,433 --> 00:20:35,900
She's really shy...
512
00:20:35,902 --> 00:20:37,168
I think.
513
00:20:37,170 --> 00:20:38,936
Trudy?
514
00:20:45,310 --> 00:20:46,944
Hi, trudy. I'm robin.
515
00:20:46,946 --> 00:20:49,614
It's nice to meet you.
516
00:20:49,616 --> 00:20:51,415
You're right.
She is shy.
517
00:20:51,417 --> 00:20:54,719
She-she must have climbed
out the fire escape.
518
00:20:54,721 --> 00:20:56,454
Whatever. Whatever!
519
00:20:56,456 --> 00:20:57,722
I-I don't care
what you think.
520
00:20:57,724 --> 00:21:00,591
Then why'd you hide her
from me?
521
00:21:00,593 --> 00:21:03,427
Wow. You're good.
522
00:21:03,429 --> 00:21:05,496
Anyone ever tell you
you should be
on 60 minutes?
523
00:21:05,498 --> 00:21:08,599
Yes. You did... Last night.
524
00:21:08,601 --> 00:21:09,300
Really?
525
00:21:11,137 --> 00:21:12,903
Well...
526
00:21:12,905 --> 00:21:15,439
Get some sleep, ted.
You had a long night.
527
00:21:15,441 --> 00:21:17,608
And don't feel bad.
528
00:21:17,610 --> 00:21:20,278
I've woken up with worse.
529
00:21:25,451 --> 00:21:29,287
I left trudy a message,
but she never called me back.
530
00:21:29,289 --> 00:21:32,023
That's just how life works
sometimes.
531
00:21:32,025 --> 00:21:33,824
You turn off your brain
for a night,
532
00:21:33,826 --> 00:21:36,560
And all your left with
the next day is a bad hangover,
533
00:21:36,562 --> 00:21:39,263
A sprained ankle
and a pineapple.
534
00:21:39,265 --> 00:21:42,633
Oh, we never found out
where that pineapple came from,
535
00:21:42,635 --> 00:21:44,535
But it was delicious.